Your phone is in your hand. You’re sick of waiting. You know you’re supposed to wait.

Maybe he said he’d call. Maybe he never responded to a message. Maybe he said to wait and he’d call you back in a few minutes with plans.

You check your phone. Nothing.

It isn’t fair you have you wait. But all you can do is wait. Why does he have all the power? It shouldn’t be about power. It isn’t fair. You should be able to do something. You deserve to know what’s going on. You deserve answers.

You check your phone again. The screen is blank.

You’re trying to stay calm, but you’re freaking out.

Nope. Still nothing. You can’t take it.

You’re friends told you to be strong. You trying to be strong. But you can’t.

I get it. Your heart wants what it wants.

You might not listen to listen to my advice and you don’t have to. But I feel like you should know this key piece of information before you decide to contact him. A clue into men’s minds. And your own motivations.

If you decide to call or not will make a huge difference on how your man perceives you.

There’s a reason you can’t get this guy out of your head. You like him – he’s cool, fun, you have a bond. Deep down you believe he’s someone you care for. And you’re the girl that could make him so happy. Maybe you’ve imagined yourselves on vacations, snuggling through rain storms, skipping work and binging on TV all day long. You’ve placed a lot of importance on this fellow of yours or you wouldn’t be giving up your precious time waiting for him to call.

Yet are rudeness, flakiness or complacency qualities you admire in a guy? Is his behavior setting a good precedent for the rest of your relationship?

Answers to these questions are difficult to face because you do like the guy so much and want to believe that he has the best intentions.

Why are you the one auditioning for his approval?

Ask yourself: Why are you trying to remind or convince a man to hang out with you? Shouldn’t he be hunting you down because he thinks your’re cool, fun and share a strong connection?

If there’s no guarantees on whether he can have her, if he thinks she could be gone at any moment, that’s when he’ll try to secure as much precious time with a girl as he can. Nothing is more prized to a man than the woman he has to wait for, work for and fight a little bit to get.

Trying to convince a man of anything kills attraction. Whenever you’re too concerned about someone else’s approval, that person loses respect for you. A man is reluctant to quickly secure anything that’s too easy to get. Why would he? If a girl is eager and waiting he can slack and take his time. He can pursue other options. She’s always there as plan B. But if there’s no guarantees on whether he can have her, if he thinks she could be gone at any moment, that’s when he’ll try to secure as much precious time with a girl as he can. Nothing is more prized to a man than the woman he has to wait for, work for and fight a little bit to get. If he’s interested in you, he will be worried he could lose you, he won’t want to screw it up, he won’t slack, he’ll be doing everything he can to impress you and prove that he’s the guy for you.

Here’s what you can do and why

Immediately call up a friend.

Vent to her. Get all your insecurities, worries, anger, frustration and fear off your chest. There’s a very good chance she’s went through something very similar. I know all my friends have. The purpose of this is to calm yourself down. It’s not your fault you’re so worked up, it’s completely understandable, he’s put you through a very emotional experience. The last thing you want to do is something irrational and appear needy or worse, crazy and demanding. Take some deep breaths. Let it all out to your friend. You’re in a weak moment. Remove the temptation to call him by occupying your phone time. The urgency will dissipate.

Make Up Your Mind That He Lost His Chance to Hang out with You Today

Make plans with your friend or once you hang up the phone busy yourself with an activity you like. Go on a hike or a jog to get the adrenaline pumping and leave your phone at home. Immerse yourself in a movie. Separate yourself from your phone or hide it someplace you can’t see it and switch off the ringer.

Ideally, you want him to call you and you to be too busy to notice or answer.

I’m not saying avoid his call, but don’t prioritize it anymore. He let you down. He didn’t call you when he told you he would. He doesn’t deserve any more attention at the moment. Don’t put your life on hold for any guy. Your life isn’t on a man’s schedule. A guy should feel lucky to get a slice of your time. He should eagerly be trying to secure time with you. Hoping, that you are available.

Basically, make yourself unavailable at this moment. Because even if he did call an hour from now, you shouldn’t cave and see him. This sets a bad precedent. If you let his disrespectful behavior slide this time, he won’t think you’re cool and chill, he’ll only learn that he can disrespect you in the future, without any consequences.

Here’s the crucial reason I hope you have not already made that call. Calling him, you prove just how eager you are. Pursuing a guy signals that you are very interested in him and that you place high importance on hanging out with him. It also could tell a guy that you don’t have much else going on besides dating him, since you’re so desperate to see him TODAY. Neediness is the opposite of attraction.

Pursuing a guy signals that you are very interested in him and that you place high importance on hanging out with him. 

Stop dreaming up wild excuses for why he didn’t call or text. Good chance this guy didn’t get in an accident. His goldfish, Hans, didn’t croak. He didn’t miss your text; men check their phones religiously. He didn’t absentmindedly forget to call you. (And if a man ever tells you this, you wouldn’t want to date him anyway. You deserve to be dating higher quality men). The honest truth is: this guy you like chose not to call you. Or didn’t feel that he needed to notify you right away that he’d be tardy with his follow up. He didn’t think notifying you was that important.

If you’re on a man’s mind, if a man wants to talk to you or see you, he’ll contact you. If he’s not feeling like it, he won’t. It’s that simple. In the early stages of dating, men don’t do things because they feel pressured or obligated. They do things out of their own selfish desires.

Put Your Foot Down

Now, it’s not that he’s necessarily a jerk, it’s just that he probably has never had a woman set boundaries. He’s gotten away with this kind of behavior in the past because so many women allow it. Here’s what it boils down to. When a guy senses that a woman likes him more than he likes her, he knows he has the deciding power. Men capitalize on women’s fears. They can disrespect a girl and put in minimal effort since they know they can have her whenever they want her. She’ll put up with bad behavior because she’s too afraid to lose him. A guy won’t put more effort into the girl he knows will easily forgive him. Yet, the girl who sets high standards and who a guy risks losing, he’ll respect and jump to fulfill her desires.

Give Him a Chance to Miss You

Guys are intrigued by mystery. If he can’t reach you whenever he wants to he’s going to start to wonder what you are up to. Why aren’t you like the other girls, hounding him down? Are you are doing something really interesting? Maybe hanging out with someone more interesting than him? Did he miss his shot with you? Now you’ve got yourself on his mind. The girl with her own exciting life, who doesn’t need him is a far more attractive a catch. Think of it this way: the harder it is to get something, the rarer it is, the more valuable we place on it.

So if you are going to make the call, if you’re to text him, “Are you OK?”, I can’t stop you.

There’s a good chance that if you do get him on line, you’ll ask him why he didn’t call. When you’ll see him. Remind him of his promise that he failed to come through on. You’ll complain. Lay down your demands. Possibly get emotional. Men don’t respond well to demands or emotional temper tantrums.

Only you can decide if you’re fed up with men treating you this way. If you’re sick of men forcing you into the role of the needy female.

Don’t tolerate bad behavior. Don’t put so much importance on a guy until he has proved with actions that he is worthy of your time. A guy seeing you is a right, not a privilege.

Are you ready for a change? It’s up to you. You decide.